in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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