you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
