i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
