Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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