I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize