I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
