at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
