are you still at the devil's house?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
