as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
