she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
