Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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