All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
