hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
