My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
