Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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