it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
