Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
