Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
