we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize