so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
