just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
