Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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