Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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