McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
