I think i peed on brittanys purse
it hurts more in the daytime
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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