i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
