so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
