ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
