spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
