Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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