i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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