I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize