my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
