I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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