I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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