Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
