That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
