there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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