brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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