What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
