Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
