worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
