Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
