So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
