I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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