I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
