My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
