I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
