I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
