The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
