i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
