they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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