Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
