So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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