The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
