put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
