So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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