Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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