He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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