I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
