Kiss
Puke
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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