Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
