Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
