I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
