we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
