gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
