fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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