She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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