somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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