loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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