i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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